im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
