if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize