just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize