i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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