i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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