There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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