my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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