1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
