ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
