I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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