my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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