I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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