just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
