I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
