singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
