and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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