I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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