Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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