Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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