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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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