How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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