drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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