So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
