I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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