my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
