fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize