would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
