You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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