Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
