I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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