my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
