The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
