I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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