There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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