dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
