Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize