Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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