i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
