And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
