I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
