He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
