i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
