Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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