She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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