wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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