How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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