Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
