How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is wine microwaveable?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
