You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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