He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
