Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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