Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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