I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize