Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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