it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
