You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
