i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
