I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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