this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
