Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
