He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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