oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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