Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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