Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize