after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
