So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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