Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
