dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
