highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
