He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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