Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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