I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
