I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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